What Good is Cake You Have, But Never Eat ?

Being the victim is easy.  How you deal with your victimness isn’t.  I have been  watching American Horror Story (on Fox Wednesday nights) and it is freakin awesome and freaky.  In this show, there are all sort of victims.  But the victim line that has struck a chord most with me of late is that of Ben (played by the increasingly handsome Dylan McDermott).  His wife had a miscarriage prior to the start of the show. And to deal with it, he has an affair with one of his students.  His wife, Vivian, catches them in flagrante delicto.  In order to get a new start on life they move from Boston to LA to a stunning house that has a past peppered with crazies and murders.  Ben claims that, after the miscarriage, Vivian turned to her annoying little “I need to be kicked” dog for comfort. As Ben had no pets, he was forced to turned to his mistress.  In effect it was Vivian’s fault that Ben cheated on her.  Recent events compel me to say one word “BULLSHIT”

I recently met a man who is in a 20 +/- relationship with his “partner”.  He is not faithful.  (I didn’t realize this until about 18 Justin Beibers of time later. The partner part, not the faithful part.)   Apparently the magic had gone out of their relationship… They love each other very much, but just no longer have sex, but they are intimate.  Now, I know all about sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex, but love throws the entire equation off.  If you have a 20 year “relationship” with someone, and you are not having sex with them, you are either family members, roommates, or in a pod.  But the thing that got me was that my new friend was the victim.  Here he was cheating on his “partner” with me, but he was the victim.  Really ?  His partner was at work, or cooking dinner or cleaning the toilet,  or any number of things that wasn’t victimizing to anyone other than maybe a butterflied chicken breast.  The sad thing is that I know others who have claimed the same thing.  BELIEVE ME I GET THE TEMPTATION TO HAVE SEX.  And fine!  Go out and have all the sex that you want as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else IF you and your knudleing friend are single.. I know couples who have open relationships with all sorts of mutually agreed upon rules.  Generally, I find that one of the partners in this relationship is less happy about the rules than the other, but that’s not the point.  The point is, why have wife, partner, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or any kind of relationship if you are going to cheat on them and then blame them for your behaviour ?  Its called wanting your cake and eating it too.
I understand rationalization as well if not better than most.  Its easier to accept unacceptable behaviour if you are forced into it by someone else’s actions or lack thereof. I have been “the other woman” in more than one situation.  And I continued my clandestine arrangement, but pardon the expression, in the end, I wanted more.  The other men in these relationships had convinced themselves they were the victim, and believed in so vehemently that they convinced me of it too.  I ended the relationship because I woke I realized that it wasn’t going to work

 But instead of whoring around town and the internet, why not put your energies towards either fixing the issues with your relationship, fixing yourself or ending it and find someone knew who wants to stoke your fires every night ?


Things that Rock:

American Horror Story
My Halloween Costume
Audra McDonald

My name's not Alvin! That's not my life. I'm not a hillbilly.

Its funny.  The things that move us.  I went to see the Music Man at the Ogunquit Playhouse the other day.  Not a great production, but with some mentionable highlights.  The woman who portrayed Marion has a phenomenal voice and I hope her talents take her deservedly far.  But this show, and particularly this production had a profoundly saddening effect on me, and for many reasons. Many of those reasons shall remain private.

 For those of you who don’t know the Music Man, it’s about a man who comes into town and changes everything for the better in just a few short summer weeks.  He does this through flimflammery and deceit.  And I doubt flimflammery is a word, but it should be. Lies create drama.  Now ain’t that a mouthful. Anyway, everything turns out in the end in appropriate musical comedy style.  The girl gets her man, the town gets a band and everybody exits to a 6/8 time signature. But the Music Man (Professor Harold Hill) gets caught in his own trap.  You see, he falls for Marion and exposits it so eloquently to us with, “Well, for the first time in my life, I got my foot caught in the door”  And isn’t that what love really is ?  A door that opens for us for the first time revealing a marvelous new setting, eventually turning into a place that’s comfortable.  Sometimes so familiar that we can navigate our way in the dark.  Sometimes left open for the world to see inside, and sometimes locked (and sometimes the locks get changed).  But the faithful reader knows my views on love, so enough!

The movie has always had its pulls on me. And by the movie, I mean the original - not that cinematic abortion with Matthew Broderick and Kristen Chenowith.  However, when little Ronnie Howard lisps his way through lines like “Thister, thister!”, the irony of my tears isn’t loss.  And there is something about a happy ending that understandably melts my Jade Queen persona.  Who doesn’t want a happy ending ?

And speaking of endings.  Many of you know of my ordeal of the past several months.  There have been several.  Not going into great detail, but “ordeal” is a good word.  There are worse things I could have experienced and have.  Carjacking being one, but this is right up there.  I am so close to ending things and putting this chapter of my life behind me I can taste it.  Wish me luck.  The thing is, I take full responsibility for the things that have happened to me. And to stick to the metaphor (or maybe a little more literally), no matter how loudly the door is locked behind me, I am the one who entered the room willingly.  Whatever door that may be.  So QED, the future is also my choice.  I guess what I really am trying to say is that my life although has been my choice, it has not been my design.  So who knows what’s coming?  It could be thumthin, really thpethal, juth for me.

Things that Rock

Honestly, my friends are of the best character and heart.  There are many of them…some very obvious, and some quietly in the background.

My new grill

And my new roommates… Jayson and Butch.