Girdles and jocks

Ok so I am a nerd.  I was listening to the radio today about magic.  Really a radio show about magic shows.  Magic doesn't really translate well to the a non visual medium, and I started to think about perspective.  Magic, in many cases, is about perspective and misdirection.  Ive written about perspective before.  It is a phenomenon that fascinates me.  Oddly people have not been pelting me with platitudes about fish and such, which I am grateful for.  But I do feel that keeping things in perspective is important.  Imagine if you will (that I am Rod Serling) two people standing next to each other.  One of them starts to walk away.  To each of them, the other gets smaller and eventually vanishes.  In reality neither changes size nor vanishes. Their perspective of each other has changed. But does that really matter ? For the viewer it is real isn't it ?  The same applies to the time dilation principles of space acceleration but that is for another day.  If we as an audience member see someone being sawed in half, is that person effectively sawed in half ?  Intellectually we know that no one can survive vivisection and reassembly.  We suspend our belief. But what WE see is a person in two parts.  The magician and their victim see the inner workings.. If the "sawee's" container was turned a degree or two in another direction... our perspectives would change. We accept many things based on perspective... I mean look at Fox News.  We are taught to trust our senses ("Seeing is believing").  If we can't rely on the our five senses. what can we rely upon ?

So I am going to make a huge jump here and apply this supposition to some more real world situations.  I had a friend of several years who I shall call  "And Miss Reardon Drinks A Little"  The sobriquet is appropriate on a couple of levels.  Any way...Miss R and I had a conversation the other night that arced in a way that serves as a great example of perspective.  The first (and sober) part dealt with gossip about a person mutually known to us.  This person is complaining about holiday decorations on public buildings being discriminatory.  To the kvetcher's perspective, wreaths represent something that is non secular.  Miss Reardon thinks that the kvetcher is simply trying to make an issue of a non-issue.  So who is right ?  Why not both ?  

As the frozen cosmos starting hitting Miss R's bloodstream, he starting to acknowledge his drunkenness.  He also started to assert that he and I were the same when it comes to alcohol abuse.  I drink.  I enjoy drinking.  It has a place in my liver.  But am I on the same level as Miss R ?  I don't think so, but clearly he does.  Each has a point... each has a perspective... each is right... each is wrong..

Finally, Our Miss Reardon was stumbling drunk.  I asked him if he would do me a favor... I asked him if he would let me help him walk down the stairs.  If he could help me out ( by letting me help him) my boss wouldn't get mad at me.  He agreed.... until he reached the door.. I thanked him for helping me out.. he then turned to me and said "WE ARE DONE"... perspective all over the place.

I mean...look at Tom Wopat's career... look at current events... I mean look at Fox News


THINGS THAT ROCK:
Exposing people to new things
Amy Farrah Fowler
Just for Men

But There are Dreams That Cannot Be..

I can't believe its been three years since I last wrote here.  So much has happened.   So much... Most of which I wont go into in great depth.  I learned so much in these years... about my perspective... about how I am perceived... about love... about honesty... about me.  I need to acknowledge a few people for helping me through...I wont go into the specifics of why these people have been so significant to me in the past three years but they all have been in various ways...Skooter Signorelli, Wayne Wescott, Wendy Chunn, Joan Lyman, Brooke Libby, Michael Jones, Matt French and Jonathan Nason.  While I know there are other people who have helped me (and I appreciate their help... all of it, in every way), these people have been instrumental in my survival.

  I have been infatuated with several men.  Some could have been real relationships, but mostly they were fantastic Walter Mitty types of relationships.  I retain friendships with some... some slowly dissolved in to oblivion. and most, somewhere in between. I have romantically loved three men.  Or one.  AH was my first love.  I fell in love with him and found out later that he was involved with someone else.  We were involved in a poly amorous relationship where (pardon the pun) I was on the bottom. It ended with me in hysterics. The second left me without notice or explanation.  It ended with me in hysterics.  And then there was the third.. or the one.  I love MM.  Loved him almost immediately upon meeting him.  A telling point... I slept with him.  And no.. I don't mean bumping uglies..I mean, I slept.  When we spent the night together, I actually slept.  I have never have been able to sleep with another person.  Never.  There were issues.  Some big.. some trivial...MM taught me something.., well many things... but I learned that I don't cross the threshold of love easily... but when I do.. it is completely.  Another thing that made me know I was in love, was the fact that I planned a future with him...we joked about marriage.. but I could see THAT KIND of future..if not marriage, a clearly painted partnership.  For the first and only time in my somewhat median length of a life, I felt special...MM made (makes) me feel like I am the only person in the world that matters..And as much as my mother loves me and my incredible friends, MM made that love feel like a black and white shadow in comparison.  I learned about sacrifice.  I learned about priorities.   I learned about self worth...Would I give my life for him?   Quite possibly...   Would I ever have to ? Quite doubtful.  As much as I believe he loves me ( and I do believe and feel it), I also believe that I am not enough to keep him.  MM is leaving... Geographically and impractically for me.  I am not enough to keep him.  Do I resent his leaving me?, No.  I love him and want him to have what he wants... I believe that this move is beneficial for him.  His life will be better in his new location.  I worry about his future.  I worry about him.. I love him.  And if I were enough, it would be phenomenal with me at his side.... I'd be so happy to keep his dinner warm...But I am not enough...No one can TELL me otherwise.  Has our relationship ended ? ... mostly.. at least our romantic relationship I guess.   I still wake up EVERY morning thinking about him.  Waiting for his text.  Missing him.
But its over... not that he doesn't love me nor I him.  I wish that I could change... to either be enough, or not to love him.  I wish he were a douchecanoe, a child molester, or even Tom Wopat.  But the none of those are wishes that will come true.  I love MM and I always will.  It ended in tears slowly falling down my cheek...no hysterics.

Things that Rock:
My convertible laptop
Knowledge
Love